Pain cuts too deep
by DarkAngel814
Summary: When her life takes a drastic turn for the worst, Ruthie deals with one tragedy after another. Thinking life couldn't get worse, she is blinded by her own pain and her actions leave dire consequences for the one she truly loves and trusts. R&R! COMPLETE!
1. why?

**Chapter one: Why?**

**Why? Is all she could think about, her life had only spiraled downward since that awful day. Tragedy and pain seemed to consume her life in every little way, she felt as if she was being sucked into a black hole filled with angst and sorrow. She wondered how all this could have happened. She was always the good girl, the smart and the sensible one. She could always talk to people especially her parents now know one knew how she felt. But none of it mattered anymore nothing did, she was trapped in her own mind. She couldn't help wonder if she had anything left to live for…**

* * *

"**Hey, Ruthie wait up!" Paige called. Ruthie turned around, and stopped. Paige was her best friend she had long blond hair, and blue eyes.**

"**Hey Paige" Ruthie said, her eyes were searching for someone else though.**

"**So how are you?" Paige asked. She waited. "Ruthie, Hello? Earth to Ruthie?"**

"**Sorry I was—" Ruthie started.**

"**I know but he's probably skipping" Paige said rolling her eyes. Ruthie gave her a world famous glare as they headed inside.**

"**Ruthie" Alex yelled. She turned around.**

"**What" she snapped.**

"**Here" He handed her a rose. "I got you a flower" Her eyes lit up. Alex smiled. "Um—"**

" **Sean" she screeched he came and gave her a big hug. Alex sighed.**

"**Thanks Alex, but I have a boyfriend so…" Ruthie stopped. Sean took the flower and threw it on the ground.**

"**So back off" he said. Then Sean, Ruthie and Paige headed inside. Ruthie gave Sean a kiss. "See you in class" Sean headed to homeroom.**

"**Bye" Ruthie called. The two girls headed towards their lockers.**

"**So Ruthie, you do the math homework?" Paige asked desperately.**

"**Your so lucky I do my homework" Ruthie sighed.**

"**See… I meant to do it but I just didn't have time" Paige said.**

"**Yeah right" Ruthie said opening her locker. She had pictures of Sean up. Sean was such a bad boy she thought, he was sixteen so he could drive os cool, he'd been held back. As her dad had so bluntly put it though he was trouble but she was in love.**

"**Aw Love" Paige sighed.**

"**Shut up" Ruthie laughed. Closing her locker. They headed in to homeroom, and sat down. "Here" Ruthie handed Paige her math notebook.**

"**Thanks" Paige said copying it. **

"**Sure just hurry up Mr. Lyons won't like seeing you copy my homework" Ruthie said. Ruthie felt a tap on the shoulder. Oh shit she thought, she looked up. "Don't scare me" Ruthie laughed.**

"**Sorry" Sean said sitting down and kissing her on the cheek.**

"**Done" Paige said handing her back her notebook. "Hey Sean"**

"**Ruthie you cheering today?" Sean asked.**

"**Duh" the girls replied in unison laughing.**

**Then the bell rang. **

"**Take your seats and please open to last night's homework." Mr. Lyons said. "So who would like to put problem one on the board?"**


	2. please?

**Chapter two: Please?**

"**Go!! Go bulldogs!!" Ruthie cheered with the other cheerleaders.**

"**GOO!!" Paige screamed doing a cartwheel. There was a minute left in the game the bulldogs were up by five. Alex had the ball, he dribbled down court, and tripped by his own teammate he falls face first. Laughter roars across the court. The buzzer sounds. **

"**Bulldogs win!!" They cheer, but they're drowned out over the hysteria. Alex starts to run off the court crying.**

"**Crybaby" Shout a couple kids.**

"**Yeah Bulldogs," they continue to cheer. Alex stops and glares at Ruthie who just turns away, before leaving the gym.**

* * *

**After filing out of the gym, Ruthie and the other cheerleaders congratulate the players on their team. Paige is off chatting with some senior. "Great game" Ruthie says to a couple players. She feels his arms warm wrap around her she spins around.**

"**You were great and that kid was hilarious," Sean said laughing. Just then Alex pushes past. "Hey watch it!"**

"**Sorry… Oh hey Ruthie" Alex smiles.**

"**Hi Alex" Ruthie said sighing. Sean glared at him, and he walked away.**

"**Hey loser" some kids yelled at Alex. Throwing dirt at him. He ran off crying. Sean laughed.**

"**Sean" Ruthie glared.**

"**Sorry" Sean said. **

"**Oh my god, guess what!!" Paige screamed running over to Ruthie.**

"**What?" Ruthie asked laughing.**

"**I was talking to this senior and he invited me to a party and you!!" Paige screeched.**

"**Oh my god!!" Ruthie screamed.**

"**A seniors party… so what?" Sean said. "Sides didn't your parents ban you from parties?"**

"**Yeah your parties" Ruthie said.**

"**Its such a big deal!" Paige said smiling. **

"**They're lame" Sean said. **

"**Oh come on, does that mean your not coming?" Ruthie whined.**

"**Yep" Sean said getting in his car. **

"**Fine I can have fun tonight without you" Ruthie complained, crossing her arms.**

"**Whatever" Sean said driving off.**

"**Humph" Ruthie sighed.**

"**Don't fret it" Paige said. **

"**Your right this is so cool" Ruthie said smiling.**

* * *

**Ruthie was so excited about the party; she was flipping through her closet looking for the perfect outfit. She was thinking about how she could get her parents to say yes about letting her go because they didn't know the kid, Ruthie didn't know the kid. They didn't know where it was, come to think of it neither did she, Paige did. Also it was a seniors party, they'd never let her go. She didn't want to lie though.**

"**Perfect" Ruthie squealed pulling out a jean mini skirt, a short white tank, and a black hooded. Then it hit her, Martin. She rushed down stairs. "Martin!"**

"**Martin" Ruthie yelled. "Martin, Martin!!"**

"**What?" Martin answered appearing at his door.**

"**Are you going to the party tonight?" Ruthie said rushing to him.**

"**Yeah?" Martin said hesitantly. "Why?"**

"**CausemeandPaigewereinvitedandIreallywanttogo!!" Ruthie said with one breath.**

"**What?" Martin said.**

"**Cause me and Paige were invited and I really want to go!!" Ruthie repeated.**

"**Oh…"**

"**Please my mom might let me go if you're going and if you say you'll watch me! Please!!" Ruthie pleaded.**

"**Oh all right I'll take you and Paige if you parents say yes" Martin sighed.**

"**Oh thank you!!" She cried. She bolted downstairs. "Mom"**

"**Mom!!" She cried. **

"**Kitchen Ruthie" Annie yelled. She spun towards the kitchen.**

"**Mom…"Ruthie said. She took a deep breath,"CANIGOTOAPARTYWITHMARTINANDPAIGEMARTINWILLBETHEREANDHESAIDHELLWATCHMESOCANIGOPLEASECANIGO!! IPROMISETOBEGOOD!SOCANIPLEASEGO!"**

"**Please!!" She added.**

"**What?" Annie said.**

"**Can I got to a party with Martin and Paige. Martin will be there and he said he'd watch me. So can I go, please can I go!! I promise to be good! So can I please go?" She repeated slower.**

"**Oh… well I'm sorry Ruthie but I don't—" Annie started.**

"**Please Sean wont be there!!" Ruthie begged. "Please Martin will, he'll drive us home and back at curfew"**

"**Oh all right" Annie sighed.**

"**Oh thank you" Ruthie said jumping up and down. "Yes!!"**


	3. the party

**Chapter three: The party**

**Ruthie was wearing her jean mini skirt, tank top, and hoodey; she finished with the makeup and was set to go. Martin knocked on the door.**

"**You ready?" he asked.**

"**Yes" Ruthie was so excited. She went downstairs with Martin hoping her parents wouldn't object to her outfit. Luckily they didn't.**

"**Back by 10pm" Eric said.**

"**No drinking, no smoking, no experimenting; be safe!" Annie warned.**

"**Don't worry Mrs. Camden I'll make sure she and Paige get home by curfew" Martin assured her.**

"**Okay, have fun" Eric said. **

"**Thanks dad. Bye!" Ruthie said. They left to go get Paige and get to the party.**

* * *

**The house was crowded with kids, from fourteen to eighteen. It smelled of beer and smoke. The music was so loud the floors were shaking, and everyone was dancing. Ruthie and Paige quickly slipped away from Martin, and got swept up in the music and excitement. Time flew by, and Ruthie began to feel tired she searched for a clock, to find the time. She needed to sit and rest; she needed to drink something. She made her way over to the drink table.**

"**Is they're any soda?" she asked someone.**

"**No" They said yelling over the music.**

"**Anything without alcohol?" She asked.**

"**No more" They said. **

"**Any water?" She said impatient. **

"**Yeah" The guy said, pointing upstairs to the bathroom. "Go drink form the toilet like a good little Bitch" He laughed.**

"**Very funny" She said disgusted. She made her way towards the stairs. She felt like everyone was staring at her. She wished she knew where Paige was or Martin. She went upstairs and into the bathroom. She threw some water on her face to cool her down. She cupped her hands and had a little water she was so thirsty. She left the bathroom, she felt dizzy.**

"**Whoa" She said gripping the wall. She went into a bedroom and looked out the window. Someone walked in closing the door behind them, locking it. Ruthie turned around.**

"**Hello?" She said. Looking around it was dark she couldn't see anyone. She sat on the bed and stared out the window she was very tired. The floor squeaked and she turned around. A dark figure stood by the bed. **

"**Um, sorry I was just resting" Ruthie started to get up but he pushed her down. "Hey what are you doing?" She started to panic. She was too tired to fight him and he was much bigger.**

"**Shut up" He said. Ruthie was frightened. He forced his head on her kissing her hard on the mouth. He hiked her skirt up, pulling her panties down.**

"**Stop it. Get off of me!" She screamed. She tried to pull up her underwear, but he grabbed her arms holding them tightly above her head. She could feel them bruising, she whimpered in pain. "Sto-o-o-p"**

"**Shut it" She smacked her. **

"**Please!!" She cried. "No! Get off me. No!"**

* * *

**He climbed off her; he grabbed her by the arm and threw her off the bed. He screamed. "Don't you dare tell anyone" he stormed out of the room. She sat in the corner staring at the clock, sobbing.**

* * *

**She regained focus, and slowly stopped crying. 9:45 Martin must be looking for me she thought. She got up looking at her arms the bruises were starting to form. She cleaned herself up and wiped her eyes. Putting herself together she left the room and started downstairs. She could barely speak, she was afraid of crying; know one could know she thought. Know one. She walked carefully trying not to fall she was still exhausted. She spotted Martin immediately.**

"**Ruthie" he called. She walked towards him trying not to make eye contact and not look too suspicious. "I've been looking for you"**

"**Sorry I was in the bathroom" she lied. **

"**Well we got to go where's Paige?" Martin asked. She looked around.**

"**Over there" She said pointing to her. They walked over to her.**

"**Hey Ruthie, Martin" Paige said. She stopped dancing. "Time to go?"**

"**Yeah" Martin said. Ruthie started walking ahead of them. She crossed her arms, and left the party trying to forget it and what had happened. It was not that easy, nothing painful ever is. **

**Ruthie was home, safe in her own room. She stood in the shower scrubbing as hard as she could. Trying to scrub away the memories, the pain. She could scrub for the rest of her life and it would never go away the bruises would, but the memory wouldn't. She didn't dare close her, afraid that it would replay over again in her head forever tormenting her. **


	4. Over and over again

**Chapter four: Over and over again**

Ok so just to state, I don't own any of these characters. I do own Alex, and Mr. Lyons is my math teacher. So please do not take them. Also I hope you like my story.

* * *

**Ruthie lay in her bed thinking all night, she tried to rest but screams rang in her head. She could see it all so clearly, it was as if she was back at the party that very moment. **

"**Stop it!" She screamed. "Help" No one heard her; her screams were drowned with utter silence. "NO!" Ruthie bolted up. She was drenched in sweat she started crying. Why had this happened, she thought. She looked at the clock through misty eyes 3 am. This night was never going to end, how would I ever get to sleep she thought.

* * *

**

**The next morning Ruthie was up when her alarm when off, one hour of sleep she thought. She was exhausted but not from lack of sleep she was exhausted from crying. Ruthie wasn't going downstairs she couldn't face her parents, she was afraid to tell them and afraid she would. So she stayed in her room all day pretending to she was doing homework.**

"**Ruthie are you awake?" her mom asked at around 10am.**

"**Yes mom…"Ruthie said.**

"**Are you coming down?" She asked.**

"**No… I'm doing homework," Ruthie said.**

"**Oh ok" Annie left puzzled. **

**Ruthie was like that all day someone would come up and she would say "not hungry" or "Still doing homework". So eventually people just gave up and left her to be in her room. Ruthie did have a lot of homework but every time she started she would get lost in her thoughts or would be so stuck that she throw the book or paper across the room. Finally she just fell asleep. ****When Ruthie woke up, she felt like someone was watching her she turned and saw him. She screamed but nothing came out she couldn't make a sound no matter how hard she tried. Ruthie tried to get up but couldn't budge; he walked towards her slowly just as he got to her bed she bolted up screaming. She bolted up right out of the horrid nightmare, screaming and crying she shook so hard. She was so terrified of this nightmare but it kept replaying every time she fell asleep. **

"**Ruthie, get up" Annie yelled. "It's Sunday"**

"**I'm _up_" Ruthie yelled surly. She got dressed and went downstairs, she was dreading this day she didn't want to go to church she was angry with god. How could he do this to her she didn't feel very Christianly. **

"**Morning Ruthie" Sam and David said. **

"**Morning" Ruthie said sullenly.**

"**We haven't seen you in a while" Annie said jokingly.**

"**Ha, Ha" Ruthie said sarcastically. **

"**Ruthie" Annie said looking at her.**

"**_What_?" Ruthie snapped. "I didn't think it was very funny!"**

"**I don't like your attitude" Annie said.**

"**Well I don't like yours, so just leave the fu—"Ruthie yelled.**

"**Ruthie!" Annie cut her off. **

"**Fine! I'll be waiting to go in the living room!" Ruthie said. She stormed off into the living room. Lucy and Kevin were heading out the door. "Wait Ruthie said you guys leaving?"**

"**Yeah" Lucy said. "You, mom and the boys are going real soon"**

"**Can I come with you?" Ruthie asked desperately.**

"**Uh… Sure" Lucy said. "Just tell mom your going with us"**

"**Mom I'm going with Lucy and Kevin" Ruthie yelled. "Lets go" Ruthie left leaving them confused, but they followed after hearing a frustrated 'fine' from Annie.

* * *

**

**At church everyone filed in to the seats, Ruthie sat as far away from her mother as she could. Throughout the entire sermon Ruthie looked like her mind was in a thousand others places then this, but she listened carefully hoping for some sort of sign from god. Some sort of sign as to what to do. **

**Her father talked about forgiveness. "Everyone makes mistakes and that it is human nature to have faults for if we were all perfect life would be boring." He said. None of which in Ruthie's mind was of any help to her.**

**Then he talked about. "This comes as a sacrifice sometimes because our human faults are sometimes hurtful but pain is just another step in life and that all wound heal" Ruthie could barely sit and listen to this, how did he know. If this was the message from god then she wasn't interested.**

"**So, I leave you with these thoughts. Since forgiveness is so tough, go home and practice on the simple things a fight over a little thing, overstepped boundary or disagreement. Let go of it and just try to forgive them or to say you're sorry." Eric said. Ending his sermon Ruthie was so happy she was out of there, Ruthie knew pain was apart of life but that didn't mean it had to happen to her.

* * *

**

**Back at home Ruthie, headed up to her room. She wanted to go back in to her room and hide there for the rest of her life. Hide there where knowonewould ever bother her, where she could forget and feel no pain.**

"**Ruthie" Annie said. "I'm sorry, if I was harsh this morning. It doesn't make what you were going to say right though, or how you talked to me" **

"**Yeah, sure whatever." Ruthie said rolling her eyes. "_I'm so sorry_" she said sarcastically.**

"**Ruthie I don't get it I am trying to make up with you and you are be very rude," Annie said raising her voice.**

"**I don't care" Ruthie said with hostility. "So leave me the _fuck_ alone"**

"**Ruthie!" Annie said she was shocked with her daughters change in language. **

"**Just leave me alone!" Ruthie yelled her voice beginning to shake. Tears started to fall from her eye. Ruthie hurried upstairs and locked herself in her room.**

"**Ruthie…" Annie ran up after her. "Ruthie what's wrong?" Ruthie wouldn't answer. "Ruthie?" finally she gave up and left her daughter alone.

* * *

****Later that evening, when Eric and Annie were alone she told him about Ruthie. "Eric something is up with Ruthie." Annie said.**

"**What?" he asked.**

"**I don't know but she was extremely rude to me and she cursed at me" Annie said shocked.**

"**Oh" Eric said. "Is something bothering her?"**

"**I don't know" she sighed. "But she started crying"**

"**Why?" Eric asked.**

"**I don't know" she said. **


	5. Freak

**Chapter five: Freak**

_Ok, I forgot last time that the other characters like Paige and Sean aren't mine they're based on Degrassi Characters._

**The weekend had been hard; one nightmare after another haunted her dreams. They felt like reality, a reality that trapped her in pain. Finally the sun slowly rose from above the horizon, Ruthie stared at the wall watching light change as the sun rose and time passed. Finally the alarm clock pulled her out of her gaze, and she shut it off. She sat up and was unsure why she had waited all weekend for this day when it would be just like the past two. Only, now she couldn't go in her room and hide.

* * *

**

**Ruthie got out of bed and got dressed, she couldn't find anything to wear seeing how everything made her uncomfortable; she finally put on some black jeans, a light blue long sleeved shirt, and a red hoodey. She skipped all makeup, and packed up her homework, which was strewn all over the floor. She knew if she didn't head down her mother would call up to her and she didn't want to face her in conflict. So she went downstairs with her stuff.**

"**Good morning Ruthie" The boys said.**

"**Morning boys" Ruthie said tersely. **

"**Today is show and tell," David explained ignoring Ruthie's tone. Ruthie sighed; she didn't want a conversation with her brothers. They were oblivious and would only draw attention to her attitude. Glancing at Sam, when he saw her face he was hesitant about speaking. So David went on. "We wanted to bring in Happy, but he would eat the bunny, right Sam?"**

"**Yeah… So we are just going to bring in some cars," He said looking at Ruthie who was trying to patiently look interested. Luckily for her Martin came downstairs, and Ruthie could make her escape with a valid excuse.**

"**Morning" Martin said he looked ready to go.**

"**Martin, you'll drive me right?" Ruthie asked.**

"**Only if you want to leave now I have to talk to a teacher before school," Martin said taking an apple. **

"**Yeah… its fine I wanted to go to the computer room anyway," Ruthie said nearly cutting Martin off. **

"**Don't you want breakfast?" Annie asked with apprehension.**

"**Not hungry, did you make my lunch," she asked her eyes averting her moms. **

"**Oh yes here" she handed her a paper bag. Ruthie took the bag and left. "Ok then have a good day" **

"**Bye" she called.**

"**Bye Mrs. Camden" Martin said. He left the house. Sam looked at David who started talking about show and tell again. He didn't even shrug it off he just ignored it all. Sam couldn't understand, he knew Ruthie never acted like this. The look she gave him scared him though, he felt like she was wishing they were both gone. Being five he couldn't really understand. But his mother had seen it too; there was a look of pure hatred in her daughter's eyes, pure disdain and for who was what she couldn't grasp. The fire in Ruthie's eyes scared her and she had never seen it before Ruthie's eyes showed all of this but had this blank look in them, which was most puzzling.**

**At school, Ruthie hid in the computer room until just before advisory started and then left. When she got there she signed in with enough time to not be late and avoid having to talk to Paige. Then it was first period, they had Math again, which meant she would probably get away without having to talk to Paige, and Sean. As soon as she sat down though she was stuck.**

"**Hey, wasn't that party great?" Paige squealed.**

"**Uh huh" Ruthie said trying not to have to answer much. **

"**You were there when I got to church on Sunday and gone by the time I got out… you didn't answer any of my calls Saturday either?" Paige said.**

"**Homework" She said.**

"**Ok, what's up with you?" She said annoyed. Then Sean rushed in. Mr. Lyons glared at him and he sat down.**

"**Hey" Sean said. Sean leaned in and kissed Ruthie on the cheek. She flashed in her mind that night. When her mouth was smothered in kisses to keep her quiet. She got real nervous, and started to breathe harder. "You ok?"**

"**I'm fine," She said shushing him. He sighed.**

"**Oh please what is your—"Paige started. While they were chatting they didn't notice the principal walk in.**

"**Ms. Michalchuk. Why are you talking?" Mr. Radditch said.**

"**Sorry" She said. Ruthie was actually glad to see Mr. Radditch for once, because he had shut Paige up. So Paige refrained from talking during math. **

**The bell rang and it was time for their next class, they had French. Ruthie and Paige split from Sean since he had Spanish. **

"**Adios" Sean said. Once gone Paige was off she wanted to know what was up.**

"**Ok, he's gone so what's your problem" Paige persisted.**

"**My problem is…" Ruthie started. "We're going to be late for French" Ruthie hurried her pace so she could get into French without another word.**

"**Excuse me but that is so lame" Paige said.**

"**Hurry up girls class is starting" Ms. Steinglein said.**

"**Is not," she argued. "So shush we are watching a movie" Paige sighed she had gotten away yet again. They had humanities next so Paige was screwed, Ms. Lawrence would be all over them if they were talking.

* * *

**

**So French ended, and they left for Humanities, but Ruthie had to explain to ms. Steinglein why she had no homework, which had its ups and downs. Paige had to leave she couldn't wait.**

"**So why didn't you do it?" Ms. Steinglein said.**

"**I don't know I guess I just forgot" Ruthie shrugged.**

"**Really you started it though, you had two days to work on it," She said.**

"**I know, I'm sorry" Ruthie sighed.**

"**I want it tomorrow half credit," Ms Steinglein warned.**

"**Fine its only flash cards though." She mumbled leaving. Once she got downstairs she sat down, next to Paige, and Sean across from her. **

"**Please take out your homework and start reading Siddhartha" Ms. Lawrence announced. "Sophie will go around and check," Ruthie took out her homework it was crumpled it was the only thing she really did. She took out the book and started reading, but Paige kept poking her.**

"**Quit it" she whispered. "We'll get in to trouble"**

"**Ruthie come on," Paige said. "Tell me. I'm dying"**

"**Uh, homework girls?" Sophie asked. They showed her and Sophie motioned from them to quiet down. **

"**Oh please tell me?" Paige begged.**

"**Tell you what?" Ruthie said annoyed.**

"**You guy are going to be in trouble," Sean warned them.**

"**What is up something is up…"She said waiting for an answer. With no reply, she continued to pester Ruthie. "Ruthie, is it something with you and Sean? Something at the Party?" **

"**Hey, you guys…" Sean said trying to intervene. Paige rolled her eyes and continued.**

"**Is it something with martin? Ms. Steinglein?"**

"**Paige, SHUT UP" Ruthie yelled, a little louder then she meant to. Everyone was staring at her.**

"**Paige please switch seats with Alex, Sean please switch with Chris," Ms. Lawrence said. "And no more talking." They got up and moved reluctantly. Ruthie didn't care then she realized Alex was sitting next to her. He smiled at her and continued reading. She sighed.**

"**Ok please talk with your partner about the book, do you like it? How do you feel about it? Etc." Ms. Lawrence said. Alex put down the book now he could talk to her, without getting in trouble.**

"**So do you like it?" Ruthie said.**

"**It's ok" Alex said. He was looking at her creepy,**

"**Don't look at me like that," she said.**

"**Oh I'm sorry, your just so pretty" he said.**

"**Alex, boyfriend. Not you!" She said disgusted.**

"**Yeah a real prince, he's an ass," He said sourly.**

"**Yeah well you're acreepy stalker. He's my boyfriend, and better then you," She said. He put his hand on hers, and sighed.**

"**I like you, why can't we be friends" Alex smiled. He was creepy, but that night flashed in her mind and she jumped up at his touch.**

"**Don't touch me, you freak!" she cried. Now everyone was totally focused on her. The teacher was about to yell at her for her rude outburst, when she stormed out of the room. She locked herself in the bathroom, crying, she buried her head in her hands to muffle her cries. The teacher was shocked; Alex sat there looking stunned. Everyone started laughing, the teacher quieted them down. Ruthie finally returned and was sat in a different seat. She was held late into lunch, listening to her teacher go on, and on. Finally she let her go, Paige was waiting for her with Sean. She sat down.**

"**So you want to talk?" Paige said.**

"**You know what Paige just shut the fuck up if you had left me alone in the first place I wouldn't have gotten in trouble. I wouldn't have had to sit with Alex and…" She stopped.**

"**What's your big problem with Alex he isn't that creepy," Paige said.**

"**Paige, Just leave me alone" Ruthie started getting pissed.**

"**What's your problem—"Paige said.**

"**You are!" Ruthie cried. She got up and left, Paige was her best friend and right now her enemy. She was to obsessed with getting Ruthie to spit it out, and "Ouch" Ruthie walked right into Alex.**

"**Oh Ruthie, I'm sorry" Alex said.**

"**What are you like a fucking Stalker or something?" Ruthie Screamed. **

"**No…Um" Alex Mumbled.**

"**Just quit following me your so annoying" Ruthie screamed. Paige and Sean had followed her out. Sean Ran up to her.**

"**Dude what's your problem?" Sean shouted. When Alex saw Sean he got angry he was not deserving of Ruthie.**

"**Nothing!" he said with an attitude.**

"**You going to give me attitude, Alex I'd watch yourself" Sean said, shoving him against the lockers. Alex tried to push Sean off of him. Sean punched him in the face. "Leave Ruthie alone!"**

"**Sean don't" Ruthie started to cry as she watched him, Beat up Alex. Finally a teacher came, to break up the fight. The three of them were taken to the office. Ruthie sat there crying when Sean tried to comfort her she moved away. She was crying extremely hard, especially hard for someone only in a little trouble, she was shaking. **

**The principal called them into their office, and Ruthie tried to calm herself down.**

"**Ok" They had given Alex an Ice pack. Ruthie wasn't really listening, she was zoned out, she really only heard. "Sean your suspended for a day, Alex so are you," She snapped out when she heard this.**

"**That's not fair," She protested!**

"**You want to be suspended?" The principal asked.**

"**No, Sean was just helping me…" Ruthie said.**

"**Well you didn't feel like sharing your side of the story please do tell," He said sarcastically.**

"**Oh please you don't give a fuck," She said standing up.**

"**Ms. Camden sit down," Mr. Radditch yelled. She sat down, and said nothing more ignoring the rest of this insane conversation. She was silent, waiting for her mother who had been called to come and pick her up. To yell at her the entire trip home. Ruthie wasn't going to say anything; she couldn't make sense of her own thoughts anyway.**


	6. Under his wing

**Chapter six: Under his wing**

**At home Ruthie lay on her bed lost in thought over Sean, he was willing to protect her at all cost. He was always there for her; he had been suspended because he jumped into a fight for her without even knowing what happened. She was withholding a dark secret from him, and if he knew he would probably kill for her if to set her mind at ease. Ruthie rolled up her sleeves only to see the dark purple bruises along her arms, placed there in what she wished was a nightmare. The marks on her arms brought her outer pain to the inside, where a more troubling pain was settling inside her; eating at her.**

**There was a knock on the door; it jolted Ruthie from her semi-reality of thought. **

"**Who is it?" Ruthie asked.**

"**It's your mother. We need to talk" Her mothers irritated tone only made Ruthie angry. Her mother came in without an answer though. She took a seat on the bed opposite of Ruthie. "Ruthie we need to talk about Sean"**

"**What about him?" Ruthie said with an edge.**

"**Well, first is there a reason having to do with you, why he might of beat up Alex?" She said crossly.**

"**Yeah, Alex is a stalker, he won't leave me alone, he follows me around and he won't give up on the fact I already have a boyfriend and I don't like him!" Ruthie yelled.**

"**Really a stalker! Cause I don't see him outside our house all the time, I see Sean around you all the time though you two seemed to be joined at the hip. Actually more like joined at the mouth! I remember saying that I don't like Sean and don't approve of him being your boyfriend," Annie said standing up. "Further more, that is no reason to have Sean beat him up as far as I'm concerned you should have been suspended too"**

"**What! First of all we are not joined at the mouth! Second you don't approve my boyfriend! Third you don't see how Alex follows me around and school!" Ruthie said her voice rising. "And lastly, I didn't tell Sean to beat him up I don't like Alex it doesn't mean I want Sean to beat him up!" Ruthie was screaming at the point.

* * *

**

**Downstairs, Eric was with the boys. He heard Ruthie Scream at her mother. Sam winced thinking of earlier. **

"**Why is Ruthie screaming?" asked David.**

"**It's nothing okay" Eric assured the boys, Sam didn't seem to believe him, David was fine with it and kept on drawing.**

"**Is Ruthie mad at us?" Sam asked.**

"**No, at mommy" David snapped.**

"**Well, I think she is also mad at us" Sam said.**

"**Why do you think that?" Eric asked.**

"**Because this morning when she was leaving, David was talking to her and she looked really mad and mean" Sam said softly.**

"**Well, I'm sure it's not you" Eric said. Looking upstairs.

* * *

**

"**Sure Sean would just beat up a guy randomly for you?" Annie said.**

"**Yeah he would do anything for me" Ruthie said, tears started to come to her eyes.**

"**Are you so sure about that?" Annie asked.**

"**Yes!" Ruthie said breathing hard. "Just get out!"**

"**No, I'm not done talking to you," Annie said. ""Your attitude is my next issue, you cursed at your principal"**

"**So he doesn't care about me anyway—" Ruthie started.**

"**That's not the point," Annie said cutting her off. "Ruthie your attitude has changed so drastically for the worst. Your frightening its like you're a totally different person" **

"**Get out!" Ruthie cried. "Get out!"**

"**Ruthie—" Annie started, Ruthie stood up.**

"**Get out!" She screamed cutting her mother off.**

"**Don't talk to me that way!" She said. Ruthie ran out of the room, Annie followed her. "Ruthie"**

"**Leave…me…ALONE!" Ruthie screamed through tears. She ran down the stairs, and into the kitchen where she grabbed her bag.**

"**Ruthie," Eric said. "Ruthie!"**

"**NO" Ruthie stared at her dad, tears streamed down her face. She looked cold and distant, but Eric for once saw a lot of pain in his daughter's eyes. She ran out the door, slamming it behind her. Annie rushed down, and prepared to run out after her but Eric held her back.**

"**Let her go" Eric said. Just then Sam began to cry, and Eric waited until Annie reluctantly went over to comfort him. **

**Ruthie ran as fast as she could, it was cold but she didn't care. Tears streamed down her hot face, and clung their making her all sticky. She could feel cold streak lines formed on her face by the tears. She dragged her legs on as she kept running not knowing, or caring where she was going. Finally she just collapsed in the park on some grass, she laid her face on the cold ground sobbing. She stayed there till the sun went down, and the wind began to whistle. It had gotten colder and in her frenzy she had forgotten to take a jacket. She sat up shivering, partly from cold and partly from hysteria. She pulled out her cell and called Sean.**

"**Hello?" Sean asked. All he could hear were sobs. "Hello?" he said again.**

"**Sean?" Ruthie whimpered into the phone.**

"**Ruthie?" Sean asked. "What's wrong?" **

"**Please…come…get…me…I'm in the park," Ruthie cried.**

"**Ok, I'm coming wait for me at the gate?" He asked.**

"**Sure, thanks Sean" Ruthie sighed.**

"**No problem" Sean was worried what was wrong, was she hurt? He hurried out the door to get her. He kept replaying possibilities in his head. **

**Sean Pulled up, jumping out of the car he ran over to her, his hands grabbed her warm skin, and he looked at her frightened face.**

"**Are you okay?" He asked. She said nothing but just looked at him, she looked at the car and then at him. He understood she wanted to go to his house. They had a special connection, which was great he understood her.

* * *

**

**Ruthie's head lay in Sean's lap, as tears streamed down her face. He put his hand on top of her head stroking her hair gently. His fingers brushed against her warm cheeks. They sat there still, only the sound of Ruthie crying breaking the silence; they felt like the only people in the world. Finally Ruthie sat up and stared into Sean's eyes, for what seemed like another eternity. Sean saw someone else staring at him though within those eyes he could see pain, tears, misery and emptiness. But what he didn't see was Ruthie, the smiles that always lit up her eyes had been replaced with darkness, the glow that radiated off her face became a pale empty gaze. **

"**Sean" Ruthie finally uttered quietly. "You'd do anything for me right?" **

"**Of course Ruthie" Sean said. Ruthie took a deep breath.**

"**Sean… I… at that…party" Ruthie stumbled.**

"**What?" Sean said nervously.**

"**I was tired, so I went upstairs to rest; and I didn't see him come in Sean" Ruthie blurted out, sobbing.**

"**What?" Sean was confused but didn't like how this was going. "What happened?"**

"**He…" Ruthie trailed off. "He raped me" she cried. Sean was silent, as held Ruthie close to him. Ruthie's heart lifted she told someone. It wasn't her secret anymore, Sean knew. He could protect her he would protect her. **

"**Who?" Sean asked.**

"**I don't know…" Ruthie said, they sat there silently. Ruthie felt safe, and was able to let her guard down for the first time since that night. She was able to let someone else protect her, she felt like a little baby again all warm and safe. Only know she wasn't, and she wasn't in her mothers arms she was in her boyfriends. She felt like a bird under its mothers wing Sean was her wing. Sean would save her.**


	7. Oblivious to my pain

**Chapter seven: Oblivious to my pain**

**Ruthie awoke peacefully for the first night since the rape, she awoke happy with pain bringing her to reality. She hadn't been awakened by a nightmare, but a dream a dream that made her feel content and normal again. Ruthie looked around, until she realized she wasn't at home. She was at Sean's house; her parents were going to kill her when they found out.**

"**Sean?" Ruthie called. Suddenly feeling that this was a nightmare.**

"**Yeah" Sean came in, and Ruthie's fears disappeared. **

"**What time is it?" she asked.**

"**Nine am," he said.**

"**On no School," Ruthie kicked off the blackest Sean had laid on her when she fell asleep, and jumped up off the couch.**

"**Ruthie" Sean looked at her he didn't want her to go. But he thought that she would feel pressured if he said anything. "I'll drive you"**

"**No, I want to say with you" she knew that's what he wanted.**

"**No," Sean said.**

"**Yes," He wanted to protect her. She put her arms around his neck and kissed him softly on the lips she felt happy kissing him again. His lips were sweet and warm and made her forget about everything.

* * *

**

**Annie had been calling Ruthie's cell all night but it was no use she had turned it off, she was hysterical why had her daughter run off like this. What had happened was she ok, was she hurt, was she dead or was she just trying to piss her mother off? It was already noon; the school had called to find out why Ruthie wasn't in school. Annie was hoping Ruthie had gone to school, no such luck; Eric looked at her.**

"**Don't worry, there isn't anything we can do" Eric said.**

"**I know but where is she?" Annie said.**

" **I don't know" Eric answered. He held his wife and looked up praying for Ruthie. He wished he had never let her go; he should have gone after her. Why hadn't he let Annie chase her why hadn't he chased her? Was she okay? Why had she left?

* * *

**

"**You should call your parents" Sean said to Ruthie as they ate dinner. "They're probably worried sick"**

"**Why?" Ruthie said curtly.**

"**Because they're your parents" Sean said handing her the phone. She stared at him.**

"**Fine" she said.**

"**I mean you have to go home sometime," Sean said. "You're not the kind of girl who stays out all night, or skips school Ruthie"**

"**I'm not the kind of girl who thought she would get _raped_," She said.**

"**I know but what are you going to do tomorrow?" Sean asked. "Or the next day? I got suspended, but once it's over I can't skip school or I'll lose the student welfare" She looked at him, and nodded. **

"**But I can't go home" Ruthie said. "Today was the best day of my life, I love you. You make feel safe and at home and school… I feel vulnerable"**

"**I'll be with you at school Ruthie" Sean said. She started dialing. It rang once.**

"**Hello?" Annie said frantically. She only heard Breathing. "Ruthie?"**

"**Yes" Ruthie said.**

"**Oh Ruthie your okay" She cried. Eric ran over. "Ruthie where are you?"**

"**I'm not telling you you'll come and get me, just listen," she said. "I am safe, but I need to be away from you"**

"**So please don't worry," She said. Sean stared at her.**

"**You need to go home" he whispered, She shook her head. "Yes you do," he said raising his voice so that her parents could hear.**

"**Sean?" Annie said. Ruthie glared at him, he got up and took the phone from her. She stared at him she knew he was doing this for her.**

"**Listen I'll drive your daughter over, she's fine nothing happened trust me," He said. "I love her and just want to protect her"**

"**Thank you" Annie said. Sean hung up. He stared at Ruthie and she smiled and hugged him.**

**They arrived in front of the Camden house Ruthie stared at Sean she didn't want to go in but she kissed him goodbye. **

"**I love you," She whispered. "I'll come over after school tomorrow"**

"**I love you too" She sighed smiling at her persistence. She left him and head inside, but once inside she wished she were back with Sean. Her parents ran to her hugging her she stepped aside though she was only ready to hug Sean. **

"**Oh what were you thinking?" Annie cried. She waited for a response "Ruthie your not going to say anything not even apologize?"**

"**For what?" She said.**

"**For running away, skipping school sleeping over at a _boys_ house," her father said emphasizing boy.**

"**No, I wouldn't want to lie" she said. "Sean explained nothing happened"**

"**Yeah and we believe him because _he_ drove you home, _he_ knew you had done something wrong but you don't seem to see that" Annie said.**

"**Well he isn't as bad as you guys thought he was?" Ruthie retorted.**

"**Maybe your not as good as we thought you were?" Annie snapped back. Ruthie stared at her, crushed how could she say that. Her mouth literally dropped, and Annie immediately felt bad for what she had just said.**

"**Yeah, I guess I'm not" Ruthie said fighting back tears. She dropped her bag and ran upstairs. She locked herself in her room crying, she wasn't home ten minutes and she felt as though it was her fault for everything. Felt as though she was bad, as though she had deserved to be raped. She wanted to call Sean but she couldn't. Ruthie went into her bathroom, cried.

* * *

****Ruthie awoke the next morning and looked at her arm the bruises were fading. She got up it was 7:30 am she had a little less then an hour, she went into the bathroom, and took a shower, and got dressed she put on a long sleeved shirt with a short shirt on top she put on her black Jeans. She grabbed her book bag, and went down stairs. Her mother was sitting in the kitchen, making breakfast for the twins Ruthie sat down silently David started to talk to her but Sam glared at him.**

"**Would you like some breakfast?" Annie asked.**

"**Maybe just some toast" she said. Her mother started to make her some toast, then Martin came down. He looked at Ruthie and rolled his eyes. She saw him, and felt hurt but glared at him. **

"**So you need a ride?" Martin asked.**

"**Yeah" Ruthie shrugged.**

"**Okay then hurry up meet me in the car in 5 minutes" He said and left. Ruthie narrowed her eyes but gave it up and finished her toast. Once done she left after him. When she got in the car they were silent almost all the way to school.**

"**So you have any reason for running away?" he finally asked.**

"**Excuse me?" she asked.**

"**Any idea how freaked your parents were, not to mention the boys! Do you even care?" Martin asked. She was silent; she wasn't going to let him make her cry. "Are you going to say anything?"**

"**What do you know?" She said.**

"**Well I would never do that because I can't my dads in Iraq!" Martin said. "I wouldn't be selfish enough to make my father terrified—" They pulled up in front of the school.**

"**SHUT UP" Ruthie said she started crying. She ran out of the car.**

"**Ruthie?" He called after her. He punched the steering wheel.

* * *

**

**Ruthie ran into a bathroom stall. She wished she were back with Sean; she cried, and thought of Sean, she felt better. She got out of the stall and the bathroom door opened and she quickly pulled her sleeve down. It was Paige.**

"**OMG, Ruthie your parents called me yesterday looking for you I heard you ran away. What happened?" Paige looked at her concerned.**

"**I was with Sean, I was upset. I'm fine I don't want to talk about it," she said.**

"**What are you doing?" She asked. **

"**Nothing," Ruthie said shifting her eyes around.**

"**Are you crazy?" Paige asked.**

"**What?" Ruthie said.**

"**Why in the world would you run away, what is up with you? I'm your best friend" Paige said.**

"**Paige please just back off" She said shaking her head "now I have class don't you?" She walked away leaving Paige speechless, and shaking her head.

* * *

**

**Finally the end of the day came, she ran out as early as possible and ditched martin. She walked to Sean's house, when she rung the doorbell Sean greeted her. **

"**What are you doing here?" Sean asked.**

"**I told you I was coming" Ruthie said.**

"**Yeah but didn't you parents ground you?" Sean asked. **

"**Sean I need you" Ruthie said staring at him. Sean's phone rang.**

"**Ok come in" Sean said and he grabbed the phone.**

"**Hello?" Sean heard breathing. "Hello? Alex is that you?" he whispered. The line went dead.**

"**Who was it?" Ruthie asked.**

"**I don't know but whoever it is has been calling all day yesterday too" It was Alex Sean knew it. **

"**Oh," Ruthie said worried.**

"**It's okay," he said.**

"**Okay" she smiled. Ruthie gave Sean a kiss, she was so happy to be with him. Sean was glad she was with him. Ruthie told Sean all about her day and how had a fight with Paige. The phone rang again.**

"**Hello?" Sean said. Breathing. "Alex this isn't funny" **

"**You're going to pay Sean." He said.**

"**Alex—"The line went dead.**

"**Who was it?" Ruthie got nervous.**

"**A salesman" Sean lied.**

"**Oh" Ruthie smiled and continued telling him. When she said she had walked to his house by her self he got mad.**

"**You what?" Sean said.**

"**What?" Ruthie said.**

"**You could have been hurt," he said.**

"**But—"Ruthie said starting to tear.**

"**I'm sorry, I'm just worried about you" Sean said he gave her a big hug. The phone rang again. "I got it" **

"**What?" Sean said sharply. Ruthie looked nervously at him.**

"**Watch yourself Cameron," Said the voice. "Watch Camden too!"**

"**Stop it—" Sean screamed. The line went dead. Ruthie looked at him. Sean looked at her and sighed. "You got to go home now"**

"**Why? Who was that?" Ruthie said.**

"**Just don't worry its okay" Sean said. "I'll drive you"**

"**No!" Ruthie said. Pulling her hand from his. Sean stared at her. "What's wrong?"**

"**Nothing, please just let me take you home?" Sean said Ruthie nodded. _Why was Sean so quite, he wasn't telling her but she knew something was wrong._**


	8. School

**Chapter eight: School**

_Ok just to say again I don't own any characters except Alex, the rest are 7th heaven or Degrassi or my teachers! Ok Enjoy more Drama is coming!_

**Ruthie arrived at her house she got out of the car and stared into Sean's eyes, he had an intensely worried look in his eyes. She was confused what was troubling him, she couldn't figure out why he was getting all upset about.**

"**Sean?" She whispered.**

"**Ruthie, just trust me" He said. She marveled at how well he knew. She reached to kiss him; their lips met suspending time. Unfortunately she had to pull away and go inside. There was a rustling in the bushes and Sean insisted on walking her inside, She was confused at what was going on with him.**

"**I love you" Sean said.**

"**I love you too" Ruthie smiled, and went inside. Not a big surprise when her parents stood waiting for. "Hello" Ruthie said sarcastically, turning to go upstairs.**

"**Hold it" Eric said. Ruthie paused hesitantly.**

"**Is there a reason you were with Sean again?" Eric asked.**

"**Yeah not one I'd tell you" She retorted.**

"**What's that suppose to mean?" Annie interjected.**

"**It means it's none of your business" Ruthie said her voice became heated.**

"**I could have sworn we grounded you" Eric said.**

"**I could of sworn I don't care" Ruthie said.**

"**Go to your room, and don't come out till we say so" Annie shouted.**

"**Gladly," Ruthie shouted. "I'd be happier staying there the rest of my life!" She stormed upstairs. _What was her problem, could she not be civil for more then two seconds if she wasn't with Sean? Why must she so stubborn? Why had she become so nasty, was this really her?_ Once in her room, Ruthie stayed for the rest of the night. She thought of why all of sudden she was nasty to everyone except Sean she couldn't talk to anyone. Was this her defense, she wished it were gone! She didn't want to be this way; she wished to could bring herself to tell Paige.

* * *

**

**Ruthie was standing in a black room in the spotlight and one by one her loved ones disappeared, until only Sean was left. When she reached out to hug Sean he disappeared from beneath her. She was all-alone, and then he appeared. She couldn't escape no matter how fast she ran. There was no way out and know one could hear. Ruthie jolted up sweating with tear streaks down her face, she was jerking uncontrollably. She got up and went into the bathroom, and looked in the mirror she wanted to punch it. She washed her face with freezing water, her cheeks turned pink until she couldn't take it anymore. She looked at the clock it was already 7:45. _Uh oh she thought._ She quickly took a shower, and got dressed she ran downstairs. When she got down, and saw martin.**

"**I'll take the _bus,_" she said. She grabbed her bag.**

"**Bye Ruthie-" Sam started but she had already slammed the door. Ruthie decided to walk it was a nice day. The suspension was over she could see Sean in school today. Unfortunately Alex too, but she wouldn't feel so alone today. _Oh crap._ **

"**TEST!" Ruthie remembered. Ruthie ran to school, she had to study. "Omg I have no notes—"She smacked into Paige.**

"**Chill your not late" Paige said walking away.**

"**Wait, I need your help!" Ruthie yelled. Paige turned back.**

"**Why should I help you?" Paige asked.**

"**Please, I'm your best friend" Ruthie begged.**

"**With what?" Paige said reluctantly.**

"**Studying for the math test" Ruthie said.**

"**Fine" Paige said they walked inside and to the library. **

"**Listen, I'm sorry I haven't been that nice to you" Ruthie said.**

"**I just wanted to know what was going on but you don't trust me" Paige said. They reached Library.**

"**SHHH" the teacher quieted them.**

"**Come on you wanted help right" Paige said.**

"**I can't trust anyone right now" Ruthie said. "I'm sorry.**

"**SHHH" The teacher scolded. They looked at each other and couldn't help but laugh. They went inside and studied, unfortunately no to long cause the bell ran.**

"**We have math," Paige sighed.**

"**I know," Ruthie sighed as well. "Come on" they got up and left, leaving the annoying teacher behind.**

**They got to math; the three of them took their normal seats together. Ruthie looked around and grinned. _Yes._ Alex wasn't in school. Mr. Lyons handed out the test, instructing them to be quiet. Ruthie looked at the Paige and it all looked like a huge blur. It made her sick to her stomach, but she looked down trying to figure out the test.**

"**Times up" Mr. Lyons snatched her paper and everyone else's. _I failed._ Ruthie sighed. "Please work on the following problems as I grade your test's" Ruthie sat there silently waiting for the bell to ring. When it did everyone filed to the front of the room to get their tests back. Mr. Lyons handed her the paper. There was a big red F. "Please see me after school. She left the room silently.**

"**So? How did you do?" Paige asked.**

"**I failed" Ruthie left crying. Paige looked at Sean who looked back at her.

* * *

****Through out the rest of the day Ruthie was silent as she copied down notes left and right. She tried to understand what the teachers were saying but she couldn't do both. Before the end of the day every teacher had asked her to see him or her after school. School was finally over and so were all her meetings with every teacher, she walked home, quietly. Sean ran after her.**

"**Can I walk you home?" Sean asked.**

"**Yeah," Ruthie said. She was staring at the ground.**

"**Can I see?" Sean asked. She handed him the paper. "48!" she nodded.**

""**Yeah I know" They got to her house. She burst out crying she hugged him close to her. " Listen I wish I could go to your house"**

"**It's fine" Sean said.**

"**It's just if I come home late with 48 they will kill me" Ruthie said. " I need to study—" Sean's phone rang.**

"**Hello?" He said.**

"**Watch yourself" click. The line went dead.**

"**YO this isn't funny" Sean screamed.**

"**What?" Ruthie said she stepped back from Sean scared.**

"**Ruthie its better your at home anyway" Sean said looking around. " Go inside"**

"**Why?" Ruthie asked. **

"**Just go" Sean assured her. He gave her a warm kiss and watched her go inside he then drove off. Inside Ruthie went into the kitchen. Her mother looked at her and raised one eyebrow but decided not to risk starting confrontation.**

"**Um mom, I need you to sign this" Ruthie handed her the paper. Her mother's mouth dropped.**

"**48? Are you kidding me?" Annie's voice rose. "Math is your best subject, Ruthie what's really going on?"**

"**No…no…nothing" Ruthie stuttered shaking her head. "Nothing"**

"**Ruthie?" Annie looked into her daughter's eyes, and left it alone she signed the paper to Ruthie's surprise and handed it to her.**

"**Th…thanks" Ruthie said. She ran upstairs, and immediately tried working on her homework she didn't understand much of it but she did the best she could. **


	9. Mistakes

**Chapter nine: Mistakes**

**It was Friday once again, it had only been a week since it happened but it felt much longer. Ruthie woke up to that same dream; the dream was worse then her other dreams because in this one she lost everyone. She felt like she was losing them in real life as well. Ruthie got out of bed and took a shower. She put on a light blue short-sleeved shirt with mini mouse on it, and black jeans. She grabbed her bag and went downstairs. She felt herself being pulled into routine like before except with the happiness. Now it was just an emotionless routine. She got downstairs to find know one there. She picked up a note on the fridge. **

**'Had to take the boys to school early they had a field trip, I'm sure martin will drive you. Mom'**

"**Whatever" Ruthie rolled her eyes below that note was another. **

**'****Had to go to work early. Dad' "Okay" Ruthie crumpled the note.**

"**Martin?" She yelled. She went upstairs martin was gone. "Great he left early" Ruthie grabbed her stuff and left, _what a rip off._ She thought how is everyone gone. She walked to school quietly, thinking about how she was normal this same time last week. **

"**Normal" she laughed. "That's a rip off" she sped up as she arrived at school she went inside and went to homeroom. Like yesterday she had math first, Guess who was here today. When she walked in she saw Sean Standing over Alex's desk talking to him fiercely. Alex's eyes shifted up at her; there was no longer a sweet innocent look in his eyes. She started to walk over, but Sean turned around.**

"**Ruthie, come on let's get away from this loser," He said leading her away from him.**

"**What were you saying to him?" She asked.**

"**Nothing" Sean said. They sat down next to Paige.**

"**What's going on?" she asked. She was answered because Mr. Lyons started talking, and class began. All through class she felt this tension in the air, besides the normal tension and suspicion she'd had since the rape. She kept glancing over to see Alex staring at her in a threatening way, only to look away when Sean looked over. Whenever she looked at Sean though he ignored, she was on the brink of killing someone if she didn't find out what was going on soon enough.

* * *

**

**Soon enough class ended Ruthie, Paige and Sean left to go to their lockers. They were standing in front of Ruthie and Paige's locker.**

"**So what's your Problem?" Ruthie asked.**

"**Nothing" Sean said.**

"**Really what were you saying to Alex before I came in?" she asked annoyed.**

"**Nothing"**

"**That's not true!" She yelled.**

"**Yes it is—" Sean started.**

"**I don't trust you because you're a liar. Right now you're lying to me!" She said hurt.**

"**Ruthie, please let's just get to our next class" Sean said insistently.**

"**Your really worrying me—"Ruthie began.**

"**Really" Ruthie turned around to see Alex.**

"**Alex what do you…"She trailed off as she looked down at his hand, because in his hand was a gun. "Let's go" Ruthie started breathing heavy.**

"**DON'T RUN AWAY," He shouted.**

"**Alex don't—" Paige cried. Kids were running away screaming.**

"**Shut-up Paige" Alex Pointed the gun at Ruthie she froze. "I liked you, but you had to be such a bitch" Alex trembled as he slowly walked closer.**

"**No…"Ruthie started crying. Alex pointed the gun at Sean.**

"**You had to rub it in my face that she was yours!" He yelled.**

"**NO!" Ruthie shrieked.**

"**Your going to pay, just as I warned you" Alex shouted as he walked closer.**

"**What?" Ruthie said. "He was the hang up's, why didn't you tell me"**

"**I wanted to protect you" Sean said.**

"**Yeah you did a great job of that" Alex retorted. He pointed the gun at Ruthie again, she whimpered. "You, you think you're all high and mighty, that everyone should love you"**

"**No…" she sobbed.**

"**Stop it" Sean shouted.**

"**No! You think your so perfect cause your life is so perfect!" he said.**

"**No it isn't," She cried.**

"**Your not so perfect anymore" He yelled. Sean moved closer and grabbed Alex's arm. They wrestled over the gun. Sean used his other hand to punch him.**

"**Omg" Paige cried.**

"**Sean!" Ruthie shrieked Sean slammed Alex against the lockers the gun went off, and Sean stumbled back. Alex slumped down on the floor unconscious, and Sean fell to the ground. Ruthie ran over to him her hand over his stomach; her hand was covered in blood. "NO!" She cried. Paige stood screaming.**

"…"**Sean coughed. Ruthie stared into his eyes, _why was he being taken from her?_**

"**NO!" Ruthie screeched. "I need you"**

"**Ruthie…"He whispered. "I love you"**

"**I love you too," She sobbed hysterically. "You can't leave me, you can't leave me!" She cried over and over. She felt Sean leave her as he closed his eyes; she sat there covered in his blood.**

"**NOOOOO!" She screeched. "Sean!" She said over and over, as she hovered over him and his pool of blood. Her shirt became soaked in his blood but she didn't care, the police came running in and arrested Alex.**

"**Excuse Me," They said pulling Ruthie off of Sean.**

"**NO!" She shrieked kicking and screaming. They held her back and she collapsed to the floor crying. The medics rushed in, the police took pictures of the scene once Alex was gone. It was all a blur to Ruthie the sounds slurred and vision wavered, she wanted Sean back. She was taken to the office with Paige where she Mr. Radditch and someone else, she couldn't tell she didn't care, asked her questions. 'What happened?' 'Why did he do this?' 'Did Sean do something to him?" When this was asked. Ruthie listened.**

"**The two did get in a fight," Mr. Radditch interjected.**

"**HE DID NOTHING!" Ruthie screamed. "He did nothing," she repeated in a whisper.**

"**Then what happened?" the guy asked.**

"**I don't know why he did this," She said.**

"**Ruthie any idea?" He asked. She was silent Paige stared at her.**

"**He was psychotic, Alex!" She said. "Sean was the good guy, don't you make him out any other way!" Ruthie figured he was a cop or reporter. She smiled at Paige through her tearful eyes, _how could Sean be gone? How? Alex deserved to be the one dead! Its not fair! Why? What had she done wrong? What mistake did she make? Maybe this is all unfolding because of the rape! Maybe it was her fault! Maybe it all was!_**


	10. Slipped away

**Chapter ten: Slipped away**

_Don't take my poetry please ask if you want to use it and give me credit thank you read and review!_

**Ruthie lay with puffy red eyes upon her bed; her mind was like a volcano exploding with thoughts, of Sean. Her mind drifted back to yesterday. Her parents had run in grabbing her, as to assure them selves she was alive. **

"**Are you okay?" Her mother had asked through teary eyes. Ruthie had just sat there silent her shirt was still soaked in his blood, but over time had dried. Her parents gave up on her speaking and walked over talking with the other adults. She heard sobs but wasn't really paying attention; she was trying to accept that Sean was dead. She looked at her mother and father they looked worried but she couldn't care, at that moment she had hated everyone.**

"**Who?" Eric had asked.**

"**Alex Martine," Mr. Radditch had said. **

"**Oh no," Annie had said.**

"**I told you," Ruthie has whispered to herself. She didn't want to argue she just wanted Sean back. **

_**Your arms slip away  
**__**I try to grasp your hands  
**_**_Desperate in my loving way_**  
_**I bring myself to stand  
**__**You lay there on the ground  
**__**Covered in your blood  
**__**I scream and yell to wake you up  
**__**But you don't make a sound**_

**Ruthie pulled herself back to reality, and tears rolled down her cheek as she thought of him. _How could he leave? Why had he left?_ But she knew she couldn't blame him. Ruthie felt alone she had nobody now, whom else could she trust. She had told him and now he was gone so what would she do without him? Ruthie closed her eyes but all she could see was that gun pointed at her, and Sean's dead body lying on the floor. There was a knock on the door she couldn't bring herself to speak. The door opened.**

"**Ruthie can I come in?" Her mother asked. Ruthie just sighed. "Ruthie, Sean's brother and parents have been notified of his death" Ruthie bit her lip hard holding back tears as she heard her mother utter the words Ruthie hadn't dared say yet. It's not true. "They are coming in to arrange his funeral, and collect his stuff. They invited you to choose some of his belongings" Ruthie tuned o her stomach as to hide her tears from her mother. Her mother sighed and sat down next to Ruthie. "Ruthie please say something" Ruthie shook her head.**

"**Well are you going to go?" Annie asked. Ruthie nodded. Annie sighed and got up, she was obviously not going to get a word out of her daughter. She placed her hand on her daughter's shoulder, who shrugged it off. Annie left shutting the door behind her. Ruthie closed her eyes and tried to drift off to sleep hoping it would save her from this painful reality. **

**Ruthie opened her eyes, she found herself at school. She saw Sean standing at his locker, she ran over to him. **

"**Sean" she screamed. He turned around, and smiled at her. "Sean we have to get out of here"**

"**Why?" He asked. Ruthie looked around terrified. She knew what was going on, but she hoped that if she saved him in her dream it would break reality. She would try anything to get him back. "Just trust me…" She drifted off seeing Alex staring at her. Alex smiled slowly pulling the gun up.**

"**What's wrong?" Sean asked, slowly turning around. **

"**No!" She screeched, the gun went off and Sean fell to the floor. Ruthie jolted upright drenched in sweat. "No" she repeated in a whisper. She laid her head in her hands in defeat crying. No matter what she did she couldn't save him. Yet another knock on the door rang through her room.**

"**What!" She cried annoyed. _Great just what I wanted now that I've said something they'll expect me talk. _The door opened it was Lucy to her surprise.**

"**So you speak," Lucy said trying to make light of a serious situation. Ruthie shrugged her shoulders. "So how are you?" For some reason Ruthie felt comfortable speaking with Lucy not necessarily in a good way though.**

"**How do you think the person I loved the most is…" She stopped. _No I won't admit he's gone. I cant._ **

"**Ruthie?" Lucy said. Ruthie looked at her sister painfully and sighed she wanted to tell her so badly, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Ruthie just turned around silently. "Ruthie ignoring us won't help you! What is wrong? Something else is wrong you know I'm not blind I've noticed how you've been acting" Lucy waited for a response. The only thing responding to Lucy was silence. She gave up and left. **

**Ruthie broke out into hysterical sobs once the door closed behind her. Lucy stood there listening, it pained her to hear her sister in so much pain but what else could she do?**

_**My heart beats fast time seems to stop  
In an instance you are gone  
Your life crashes to a halt**_  
_**One bullet took your life  
**__**But your memory lives on  
**__**Forever in my heart you'll stay  
**__**I turn to God to pray  
**__**My hope lies within you  
**__**Forever now you lay**_

**It was late in the night Ruthie sat in the kitchen staring at a bottle she sniffled holding back tears. She closed her eyes; Sean's face stared back at her; slowly blood started to pour down his face Ruthie's eyes opened and tears streaked down. Ruthie bolted up and ran out of the house it was pouring but Ruthie didn't care she ran as fast as she could remembering the night she had told Sean about the rape. The rape flashed in her mind, she stopped. Sean's face with blood dripping down it flashed again, Ruthie screamed. She ran as fast as she could trying to escape her mind, Ruthie tripped crashing to the ground her knees hit the ground. She placed her fingers on them blood rushed against them. She flashed in her mind her hands covered in Sean's blood. Ruthie tried to pull herself up but her knees wobbled and stung from the rain. It was at that moment Ruthie wished her life would just end.**


	11. Help me

**Chapter eleven: Help me**

**The rain beat down hard upon her back as she sat crouched down on the grass in the park. Thoughts of suicide flashed through her mind, but as that so did her family. Ruthie sat there ignoring the rain she was completely drenched, but she didn't care. _What should I do_? She stared down at the bottle in her hand…**

_My life is mine and mine alone  
Yet I stand here like a stone  
__Wishing I could take my life  
__You don't understand  
__I don't either; it's my choice  
__I want to go__

* * *

_

**It was late at night but Eric thought he heard something; he went downstairs to see if anyone was up. A chilly wind blew through the house as he saw the medicine cabinet open and backdoor as well. A puddle had formed from the rain pouring in Happy sat there barking. Eric felt a sense of panic rush over him, _Ruthie_. He closed the backdoor and ran upstairs to his daughter's room to find it empty. In a panic Eric rushed down the stairs and into in to his room. He hurriedly woke up his wife.**

"**What?" Annie asked in a daze.**

"**Ruthie's gone!" Eric said. Annie bolted up, and stared in to her husband's eyes in disbelief. She finally understood and became hysterical.**

"**What?" She repeated. She got up and turned on the light.**

"**I don't know I heard noises and went downstairs," Eric said. "The door was open and the medicine cabinet, where could she be?" Annie got up and hurried downstairs to see for herself.**

"**Annie?" Eric asked. He went after her to find her downstairs weeping as she stared at the puddle on the floor.**

"**Where, where is she?" Annie tried to leave to see if she could go after her daughter but Eric stopped her.**

"**It's late and wet" Eric sighed. Annie laid her head on his shoulders and cried.**

**Ruthie pulled herself up sitting down on a bench. She had given up, and pulled out some pills from the bottle shoving them down her throat. She winced at the bitter taste. She then threw the bottle on the ground the pills spilled out, she watched as they dissolved in the rain. She waited for them to take effect; she just wanted her life over. _What did I do? Was I so horrible? Was I?_**

"**Was I?" She screeched. "Was I god, was I that awful" She cried. _I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be bad. I'm sorry._ She felt her head become heavy, from exhaustion. She laid on her back the cold starting to get to her, but she was in another reality one with so much pain she didn't feel it anymore.

* * *

**

**Kevin was out searching for Ruthie, he didn't care that it was late she was his sister-in-law and she was possibly in danger of hurting herself. He couldn't live with himself if she was never found alive. He drove around and round looking for her, checking every place he could think of. But he wasn't having much luck; the other officers were now looking for her too. He was tired, his eyes kept drifting shut but finally he saw something a shady figure lying on a bench. He pulled up, getting out of the car. He ran over, and sure enough it was Ruthie he radioed for help, calling 911. He took a step closer; stepping on something he picked it up. _Oh n, an empty bottle! Shit she couldn't have!_ **

"**Ruthie!" He cried smacking her face gently. She didn't make a sound her body only moved to touch of his hand. "Ruthie!" He shouted. In the distance he heard the sounds of sirens wailing.**

_I Lie alone_  
_Trapped beneath myself  
__I can't breathe  
__So I gasp for air  
__What if I were to stop  
__Would life come to a halt?  
__Or only mine?_

**Lights flash atop my eyes, all I see is darkness. People talk, distant I can barely hear them. _Am I dead? What's going on?_ Sirens wail through my head, breaking the sound barrier of my ears. I try to scream to make it stop, but nobody hears me. _Help me! Get me out of here! Help!_ I hear familiar voices, but I can't place them to a face. A steady beep, beep, beep drones through my head over and over again. "Clear" I hear someone say. I can feel my body shake violently, my mind is like an orchestra replaying sounds over and over. I can place which is now, and which is past. A blinding white light, rips across my eyes, and all the noise stops. Fear soon clouds my mind. _Did I do it? Am I dead?_ All I see being played in my mind are memories. I can see myself playing detective with Simon, following the mailman only to end up lost. I see myself kissing peter. I spin around staring at one memory after another, Laughter and tears mixed. They slowly disappear leaving me with the beep, beep, beep slowly drifting through my mind into one long beep.**


	12. Goodbye

**Chapter twelve: Goodbye**

_This is the final chapter of this story I hope you have liked my first Fanfiction please read and review thank you._

**Footsteps walked across her mind, as she refocused her thoughts. Where am I? What's happened? She tried to open her eyes, but nothing happened she slowly regained her memory. All her thoughts and what had happened flooded back. That all so familiar annoying beep, beep, beep returned. She tried again to open her eyes, this time fluttering them light blasted in front of them as she squinted. Two blurry figures clouded her vision as it slowly came in to focus her mother and father's faces appeared. As she came to the realization that she had failed, for she was still alive. Everything came into focus as she fluttered her eyes.**

**"Ruthie?" She heard her mom sigh. Ruthie saw her mothers eyes glisten as she saw her daughter waken. But Ruthie was crushed.**

**"Hey?" Eric said. Ruthie glared at them without a word, she sighed. Annie saw her daughters face and her smile disappeared. An awkward silence stung the air, _what do you say to your daughter who has just tried and failed to commit suicide?_ Finally Annie broke the silence.**

**"Why?" She asked Ruthie, her daughter averted her eyes, not saying anything. The doctor came in, seeing Ruthie awake he gave a half smile and asked her parents to please step outside to talk to him for a moment. Ruthie was left alone; she stared around the room looking at all the wires in her arm. _I don't want to live! I don't!_ Ruthie felt her face get warm and tears begin to fall. She took in a deep breath and sighed. She didn't understand why all this was happening.**

**_White rooms dance around my eyes  
_****_I scream for help and start to cry  
_****_Pain cuts to deep for me too feel  
_****_I can't cry anymore  
_**_**I have nothing left inside  
****So I am left with suicide**_

**Ruthie was released from the hospital; she had no clue what was going to happen with her parents or what they were going to do. She didn't care; she knew she would try again. Ruthie sat on her bed thinking about what to do, she wished Alex had just shot her. Ruthie felt empty and cold inside, but most of all confused. She got up and went into the bathroom she looked at the mirror and stared at her face she wanted to punch it. She watched as tears streamed down her face her brown curly hair seemed dull and lifeless unlike before. Her sparkling green eyes had dulled, and were empty. This wasn't her it was someone else; the phone rang Ruthie went to pick it up.**

**"Hello?" A familiar voice said.**

**"Paige?" Ruthie whispered.**

**"Ruthie, um I heard about what happened" Paige said. "I am sorry I didn't do anything to help…" She trailed off silently.**

**"It's not your fault" Ruthie sighed, downstairs she heard the doorbell ring; she rolled her eyes ignoring it.**

**"I know but I didn't help. I just froze" She heard her sniffle. Ruthie started crying. Someone knocked on her door, as it slowly opened. Ruthie dropped the phone, and jumped up. She hugged Paige tightly crying on her shoulder.**

**"I'm sorry," They both cried. Ruthie felt a sense of relief overcome her, as she felt all her pain subside for the moment as she attached herself to Paige.**

**_My tears flow down my face  
_****_All pain disappears without a trace  
_****_You save me from myself  
_**_**My cries for help cease  
****As you calm me**_

**Ruthie and Paige sat for hours together in silence. Just comforting one another with each other. Finally Ruthie broke the silence.**

**"Paige…" She gulped. "I should have told you before but at that party we went to last week. I was raped, and I didn't tell anyone because I was afraid" By now she was in tears again. "I told Sean and now he's dead because he was trying to protect me and—"**

**"It's not your fault," Paige sighed. "Sean loved you that's why he died for you"**

**"Yeah your right…" She sighed she didn't know if she agreed but she said it anyway. They sat there thinking of Sean crying silently.**

_Black veil across my face  
Tears begin to fall  
I watch you sink underground  
Never to make another sound  
I cry to myself inside  
Just like when I watched you die_

**Ruthie stood silently listening at Sean's funeral, tears glistened in her eyes. She sighed as sobs echoed around her. _None of these people really knew him,_ she caught sight of his mothers face. As it ended she walked outside looking at Sean's grave, She felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned to see Sean's mother.**

**"Ruthie" She cried.**

**"I'm sorry about Sean" She managed to whisper, as she gave her a hug.**

**"Are you okay?" His mother cried. "I heard about everything" Ruthie nodded her head. Receiving another huge hug luckily Paige came over and saved her saying how she was very sorry about Sean. Ruthie bent down again at Sean's grave, remembering him. She had gone to clear out Sean's stuff earlier with his family; She thought back to earlier. How she had sifted through his belongings taking the pictures of the two of them his school things a few other possessions. The one thing that meant the most to her was a picture he had framed of him hugging her it was supposed to be for valentines day. He had had it engraved with I love you. Ruthie had put that up in her room beside the chain she had bought for him. Ruthie closed her eyes and placed the rose on the ground underneath his headstone.**

**_Sean Cameron  
_****_October 14th 1988-  
_**_**February13th 2003  
****Loved by many**_

**Ruthie got up blowing a kiss towards his grave; She knew he was gone now she had to admit it.**

**"I'll miss you forever and always" She sighed through tears. "I love you Sean, goodbye"**


End file.
